I mistook Pride for Strength

It’s been 10 years since I graduated high school.
10 years. TEN.

10 years of learning and growing.
10 years of surviving.
10 years of adulthood.
10 years of lessons, mistakes, trials, and tribulations.

Crazy.

I moved to Houston straight out of high school, and honestly? It was one of the worst decisions I ever made.

People close to me know why, but if I could go back, I genuinely don’t think I would’ve moved to Texas at all.

Why did I do it?

Pride.

My pride was too strong.

Something happened during my senior year of high school that caused me to completely shut down mentally. I stopped believing in myself. I didn’t apply to schools the way I should have. Truthfully, I only applied to UL and PVAMU.

UL denied me. PVAMU accepted me.

So you already know I packed up and escaped to Texas.

Did I have good moments? Absolutely. I met people I love. I experienced things that helped shape me. But I can wholeheartedly say that if I hadn’t made such an impulsive decision if I hadn’t let pride overpower logic I probably wouldn’t have gone through half the things I did these last 10 years.

Maybe more than half, honestly. Lmao.

And that’s okay to admit now.

That was my fault.

I was so afraid of looking “behind.” I didn’t want to sit out a semester. I didn’t want to go to community college. I didn’t want people thinking I failed or fell off.

And looking back now, it’s like… why did I care so much?

Who was I trying to impress?

Because at the end of the day, people move on with their lives. People talk for a moment and then go to sleep at night worrying about themselves. Meanwhile, YOU are the one who has to live with your decisions every single day.

Pride had me making life choices based on appearances instead of peace.

And pride will really beat your ass if you let it.

I think when we’re younger, we confuse pride with strength. We think struggling silently is maturity. We think asking for help makes us weak. We think taking a different path means we failed.

Whole time, slowing down could’ve saved us.

Community college could’ve saved my aunt thousands of dollars. Staying home for a little while could’ve saved me trauma. Taking time to heal instead of running could’ve changed everything.

But when you’re young, pride talks loud.

Now that I’m older, I realize there is nothing embarrassing about choosing yourself. Nothing embarrassing about starting over. Nothing embarrassing about taking the slower route.

Pride and ego will have you ruining your own life just to avoid looking embarrassed for five minutes.

That’s really what it comes down to.

Sometimes we don’t make decisions because they’re healthy, smart, or aligned with who we are. We make them because we don’t want to look “behind.” We don’t want people questioning us. We don’t want to feel judged. So instead of slowing down, healing, asking for help, or taking a different route, we force ourselves into situations we were never emotionally ready for.

And the crazy part is? Most people are not thinking about your life nearly as much as you think they are.

Your ego convinces you that everybody is watching. Pride convinces you that changing directions means failure. But in reality, the people you’re trying to impress will move on with their lives while you’re left carrying the consequences of decisions you made for appearances instead of peace.

There is nothing weak about regrouping. There is nothing embarrassing about starting over. There is nothing wrong with taking your time.

A lot of us could have saved ourselves years of pain if we stopped making permanent decisions based on temporary embarrassment.

Pride is expensive. Ego is exhausting. And eventually life will humble you into learning that peace will always matter more than appearances.

Peace is worth more than appearances every single time.

Another thing is sometimes, our time is up. You’ve accomplished all you can in the place you are. And it becomes time to move somewhere else, experience somewhere else, free yourself.

Your girl always

-K🤍

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